Clik here to view.
Government to publish league tables on ‘hardest’ schools
The Department of Education has announced it is to publish league tables showing which schools are the best at fighting and just looking scary. Education Minister Lord Adonis explained ‘Parents have...
View ArticleReporting on exams is getting too easy, complain students
Students are complaining of lowering standards of journalism in the national press covering the GCSE/A Level exam results. ‘They’re giving front page stories away,’ complained Stuart McNair, in his...
View ArticleA-level exam result stories still dominating British press
The British public has been left reeling under a relentless onslaught of supposedly newsworthy stories about this year’s A-level exam results. Headlining most of the broadsheets today is the shocking...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Girls expected to outperform boys in opening GCSE and A-level results
Girls are still much better than boys at opening their GCSE and A-level exam results, according to research from Manchester University. ‘Girls far outperform boys in hysterics, histrionics and dramatic...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Gang initiation tests ‘getting easier’ claim critics
The annual debate regarding falling education standards and dumbing down continues to rage as pundits and commentators analyse the recent announcement of this year’s gang initiation test results. The...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Newspaper hacks celebrate ‘prettiest A level students ever’
Newspaper editors across the country were celebrating this week, as it was revealed that this year’s A-level students are the prettiest ever. The results met with complaints from disgruntled old...
View ArticleGCSE results to show increase in meaningless statistics
The results of this year’s GCSE examinations are expected to be accompanied by an unprecedented growth in the amount of irrelevant analysis about them. The volume of pointless statistics is likely to...
View ArticleGCSEs now in Nectar points
By popular demand, the grading system for secondary qualifications will now be number based; allowing pupils to accumulate evouchers at Pizza Express or six months of job seekers’ allowance. Loyal...
View ArticleA-level students baffled by use of alphabet to report record results
What should have been a joyful moment for the nation’s A-level students, celebrating yet another year of record results, has been spoiled by the fact that many of them don’t know which letters come...
View ArticleProgressive Daily Telegraph to showcase brunettes’ brains
The Daily Telegraph’s main photo on A level results day is to be a group of attractive posh brunette 18-year-old girls in short skirts, hugging each other. This is a marked change from attractive posh...
View Article
